Have three years gone by already? Seems like yesterday and forever ago, all at the same time. Talking to others who are on this journey, we all seem to agree with that statement. Remembering when paperwork smothered your breathing and drowned your waking moments. Did you wonder what you would cook, how much to cook, where you would live, as well as what ordinary things you would do day after day? I had never done any of our financial stuff, he did it all. I didn’t know a lot of personal data that would matter then and now. I am blessed with a friend who is a CPA and loves my oatmeal cookies. I had no funds for legal help so he helped me out and took cookies for payment.
If you own a house it has to have upkeep, and many things went wrong at first. I am blessed by belonging to a bible believing church and since I am now in the widow category of the congregation, I am well cared for by the Elders. I requested an estimate for a new porch and received a beautiful ramp and porch given to me by a God-fearing man who considered it to be a gift to his boss who happens to be Jesus Christ.
I decided on the one-year anniversary, I would have a luncheon for those that had held me up through it all. I planned on 4 or 5 and ended up with 25.
I considered composing a list that would fill up a full page of catastrophes that occurred that first year. I then realized that 100 dilemmas were overridden by 1000 blessings. It occurred to me that by making out that first sad list I would be giving the enemy praise and attention. How much more redemptive to talk about and rejoice in honor to God and his angels sustaining me throughout it all. We must choose joy in all our circumstances. The joy that abides deep inside our uttermost depths is the joy that retains the peace and calm as well as courage to continue on.
We are promised over and over again, that He will never leave us nor forsake us and whatever befalls us he would give us the ability to trek on through. Have you ever considered Paul’s comment; that in this world you (as a believer) will have troubles. John 16:33
Surprise can be a death trap that stems from our emotions. We must recall I can do all things through Christ (Philippians 4:13) and then carry on and perhaps surprise ourselves when those obedient steps suddenly turn into the Texas two-step in a quick half meter.
I have entered into a new life in the last 3 years. I still cry at the silliest moments and wake up with the instinct that my sweetheart is still snuggled up against my back. I now understand the utility bills and can put gas in my car and understand what taking things for granted really means. I long for the good ole days and remember him with loving moments and long for the future, whatever that holds. Yesterday has new meaning and I find myself laughing easier, yet still trying to find the answer to What Now?
sosusannsaid
Do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself, each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34