This command in the bible is about taking communion and remembering what Jesus did for us. Luke 22:19

Are you still counting, the days, the months, the years since your loved one left? I am, and I always cannot believe how time really does fly, whether you are having fun or not. Keeping track of the time since they left, is a bit depressing. I am always telling someone to “reframe” their thoughts. So, I’m suggesting taking my own advice and starting a new memory log of all the good things to remember about my beloved.

Ex. When I see the neighbor packing up for a weekend camping trip, I try to remember a specific trip we took and why I remember it. Writing it down or depositing it in my memory bank. Usually, I laugh a little or at least, smile.

Someone once said, the only difference in a grave and a rut, is one has the ends kicked out. If you are in your senior years, and have had a lengthy marriage, most of your memories are about two of you. It is so easy to spend hours in a chair and grieve or have too many “cry” days in a row. I did that for two years. Finally I was able to begin to build a new path for myself. I took little steps by starting with better choices of the material I read. I stockpiled, (I have a Kindle), cheerful, happy ending stuff and things with lots of humor. I listened to praise music more so I wasn’t triggered by familiar songs that included moments with my beloved. One Sunday I was going home from church when a song came on the radio that opened the tear ducts and I sobbed for 10 miles. That is not safe, and it was not even OUR song.

I found it way too easy to remain in the same shoes that I had been in for 51 years. I struggled to overcome sadness, due to the empty seat at the table where I ate, or the vacancy of invitations. I did not want to be randomly touched, and a good night’s sleep was a future truth. So, I became proactive and started staying up later at night and tossed the jammies I loved and bought new gowns. I said my prayers, then, read until I became drowsy and it was so much easier. I will be honest and say that a good nights sleep is not guaranteed for me yet, but, it is a 50% improvement. I do not eat in the same place anymore either, and now I get out when I do the inviting with who I want and I get to choose where.

The memories I linger on are different now and it’s like being on a diet, (a task I am very familiar with), I try to make good choices. I remember how I was always his focus and that I took that for granted. I try to be more thoughtful of other people and their needs instead of my own. I will have him in my heart forever and like someone once said, you are never over it, you just live your life around it. Life is not perfect now but I am trying to stay active and serve the Lord every chance I get. I still have days that if I get all weepy, and when that occurs, I get up and go outside or do something productive, (like blog).

I see your smile every once in a while, yet worry I might forget,

A tune comes along, a beat in a song, holding hands in the traveling jet.

The days fly by, I still tend to cry, but to forget you is never my plan,

choosing my joy’s over life’s noise and remembering where we began.

Now is the time to pinch every dime and save for a fantastic day,

when together we’ll be, in eternity, and no money is needed to pay.

I look up at the sun and envision the fun, when these days are left behind,

When the Lord comes for me it’s going to be free, all grief will flee my mind.

I