I am settling in to settling in. I am finally figuring out who I am as an individual. I like having my own space, yet last week, I cried sorrowfully just wanting him back. I am thankful to come home at the end of a busy day and am glad I had a busy day. I still am not exceptionally steady on my feet and trying hard to not take on too much . The other night I was lonely and actually perused the idea of being someone ‘s special someone. Then I got a text from a gentleman that texts me a lot, I call him Mr. Emoji. Every word or two has an image and they overcome the words. I am of the old school that likes talking not typing. After half an hour I was worn out and had not shared anything too personal….ka sera sera Don’t you miss the personal stuff, a place to say and store sentences that are secure.

I had a dream the other night and my sweetie was in it. I would love the scene to have a picture of us sitting side by side holding hands and visiting like we had done so many times before, you know, personal things. That morning, It turns out, I had cleaned out a drawer and his whisker whiz was in it. So, the scene in my dream.. I was zapping his nose hairs. I woke up with a chuckle and a reality check…I loved doing that for him but I definitely don’t want to do it for someone else.

I am blessed in owning a weird spelling of my name. In the hospital last month, I spent the entire time answering the question “are you Susan”. My big question is, why did Mother not give my name a Z or an E like everyone else. My birth Mother died when I was a small child, and I never thought to ask her. It is a huge frustrating dilemma and my mean streak almost always wants to inquire if they know about phenetics. I joke about being overlooked when the roll is called up yonder and there I’ll sit… through a kazillion Susan’s. Those folks that get it right, however, get lots of praise and those that give up revert to calling me Honey. Now, my sweet husband called me Honey and I would love to have recorded it so I could hear him say it. I knew him very well, and when he said “Honey”, it was sweeter than actual honey.

However for a stranger to address someone in such a personal way is rude and so demeaning, maybe you have noticed… it is the elderly that get the benefit of the phrase. I told a woman my name 3 times and she breathed hard and acted like I had said Liberace please. Sometimes your name is the only thing you have left. Long ago, I learned in business training, that to call folks by their name is very uplifting, so give it a try. There are moments on this journey, when I wonder if I will ever be able to not hear him in my heart and in my head. We never get over the sorrow, we just learn to live around it

We read in the scripture that following the crucifixion, Mary Magdalene was distraught and was overcome with grief until Jesus called her by her name. John 20:16 Whatever the nick name or term of endearment you used with your loved one should be reserved for them. Oh, by the way, God has your name engraved in the palm of his hand so know he’ll always hold you dear. Isaiah 49:16 He knows your voice, learn to hear his.

Here is a fun idea:

I try to eat pineapple often. Pineapple contains bromelain which aids digestion exhibits anti-cancer properties and treats osteoarthritis. Vitamin C and manganese which is good for your bones. I also do not take blood thinners and is not recommended if you do. They are very inexpensive and good on a shy budget.

I buy one that the leaves pull easy and not too green. I cut off each end and trim all outside away. I slice it into average size slices, then using small round biscuit cutter I remove the core. I place each one into a fold top sandwich bag and put them all into a zip lock baggie and put into the freezer. I remove a slice whenever I want and let it thaw.